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This is the cover to the Sports Illustrated, 2006 Hall of Fame Class, Commerative Issue
(try saying that, six times, real fast). Will we ever find another Troy Aikman?
If we found a quarterback with half his talent we'd be in good shape!
Emmitt Smith - The Best
The Big 3 in Big D
Aikman, Smith and Irvin - The Glory Days
Gunslingin' Tony Romo
The Dallas Cowboys
2005 Season
It's that time again folks... THE BOYS ARE BACK!!!
Everyone asks me "What do you think about the Cowboys this year?"
If you get sick, you see a doctor. If your car breaks down, you see a mechanic. If you wanna build
a house, you see a builder. I think you know where I'm going with this. If you want to know about the Cowboys you see Abuelito
( or Grandfather, to you english speaking folks ). Abuelito was a fan since the first whistle, the first snap and that glorious
first touchdown ( which actually took a while since the 'boys didn't start out as the scoring machine that they are today
). He may be gruff, he may be crude and he will butcher the spanish language like Granzine Meat Market on a Friday ,
but he will always give you his opinion! We'll get his expert analysis of every game this season plus his comments on
training camp. Let's start with some easy questions since we don't want to max out his blood pressure before the start
of the season.
BC: Abuelito, what do you think of the Cowboys new Stadium?
Abuelito: Que suave, no mas que no cueste asta el chiquito para entrar! (Great, as long as the prices are reasonable).
BC: Abuelito, what do you think about Rowdy, the Cowboys mascot?
Abuelito: Ese payaso maricon! (He's funny).
BC: Abuelito, the Cowboys Cheerleaders?
Abuelito: Estan buenas! (They're good).
BC: What about the 3-4 defense?
Abuelito: 3-4 , 4-3 , 2-5 me emporta madre! Como dice Al Davis, "Just Win Baby"! (Doesn't matter, "Just Win Baby")
BC: What do you think about the Drew Bledsoe acquisition?
Abuelito: Es dies anos menor que Vinnie, tuvo una interseption menos el ano pasado que Vinnie y no puede moverse
tan bien que Vinnie. Con eso te lo dije todo! Si juegan bien los "linemen", los corridores y los "receivers" entonses tenemos
chansa! (He's 10 years younger, he threw one less interception last year and he is not as mobile as Vinnie. If the supporting
cast plays up to their potential we"ll have a chance).
BC: You're obviously a man of few words.
Abuelito: Si. (Yes).
BC: What do you think of the triplets' induction into the Ring of Honor?
Abuelito: Primero, Aikman es un guero solo que no pueden ser tripletos. Pero los tres juntos estaban desgraciados!
Era tiempo que Jerry Jones los reconocieran por ganadole tres Super Bowls! ( The three of them together were incredible, it's
about time Jerry Jones recognized them for winning him three Super Bowls ).
BC: Joe Gibbs said that people from Dallas are ugly, care to comment?
Abuelito: Yo, obviosamente, no soy de Dallas. Estoy medio guapo, no crees?
No me mires asi pendejo, estoy jugando! Creo que ese cara de papa aguada
no tiene espejos en su casa! ( I'm obviously not from Dallas, I'm kinda handsome
don't you think? Don't look at me like that stupid, I was only kidding! ( He said, after
misinterpreting my shocked reaction to his comment - BC ) I guess Joe Gibbs doesn't have mirrors at his house).
BC: Thank you. ( I said, trying not to look him in the eye )
BC: Abuelito, what do you think of the Cowboys' performance against the Arizona Cardinals?
Abuelito: Como me duele la cabeza! ( My head hurts! )
BC: Abuelito, are you allright, you look pretty bad.
Abuelito: Esos pinche Cowboys me hacen tomar mas que lo que queria. ( The Cowboys made me drink more than I wanted
to. )
BC: Could I offer you some aspirin and a glass of water?
Abuelito: Agua!? No tienes una Miller Lite fria? ( Water? Do you have cold beer? )
BC: Sorry, how about some orange juice?
Abuelito: Una Bud? ( A Bud? )
BC: Abuelito, I don't have any alcoholic beverages.
Abuelito: Pendejo. ( Stupid! ) ( He says under his breath and I pretend not to hear- BC
)
BC: Abuelito, the Cowboys?
Abuelito: Que te dije antes joven? La pinche linea ofensiva es ofensiva! Tercero y cinquenta, que chingados es
eso? Jacob Rogers y Torrin Tucker no valen lo que tapa un gato! ( What did I tell you before? The offensive line is offensive.
Third and fifty yards to go? Jacob Rogers and Torrin Tucker need to dig themselves out of a hole. )
BC: They were pretty bad, huh?
Abuelito: " Pretty bad, huh?" ( he says sarcastically ) Valerion madre! Los unicos que fueron a jugar eran los
pinche kickers! Que lastima! ( The only Cowboys that showed up to play were the kickers. )
BC: Perhaps the offensive line needs a little time to jell.
Abuelito: Esos pinches gordos ya son Jell....O! ( They are Jello. )
BC: That was pretty clever Abuelito, any closing comments?
Abuelito: Me duele la cabeza y nececito medecina. ( My head hurts and I need medicine. )
BC: Do you need a ride to the pharmacy?
Abuelito: Idiota, lleva me a la tienda para que me compres un sies! ( Idiot, take me to he store so that you
can buy me a six pack. )
BC: o.k.
BC: Abuelito, the Cowboys defeated the Seahawks, were you impressed?
Abuelito: Si les ganamos a los otros pajaros entonces estare impressionado. Los pinche Aguilas son los que tenemos
que destruir! Pero si, jugaron bien DeMarcus Ware, Justin Berioult y Julius Jones. Porque no jugaron a Tyson Thompson? Ya
ves, si no lo aguardan, un equipo como los Texans lo van a levantar de seguro! ( The Eagles is the team that we need to beat.
Ware, Berioult and Jones played well but why didn't they play Tyson Thompson. If they don't keep him, a team like the Texans
will pick him up, for sure!)
BC: Bill Parcells just turned 64, would like to wish him happy birthday?
Abuelito: No lo creo! Ese cabron es menor que yo? ( I don't believe it, he's younger than me?)
BC: Abuelito, you don't look a day over...
Abuelito: Orale Loco! No estamos hablando de mi. Pero te voy a decir, las viejas todavia me seguien. ( Watch
it dufus, we're not talking about me, but if you must know, the ladies still chase after me.)
BC: Abuelito, you are a ladies man?
Abuelito: Las viejas te seguien cuando cuelgas como un... ( the ladies chase you when you have a lot to
offer.)
BC: Abuelito, this is a family oriented website, we can't speak in that manner!
Abuelito: Perdoname... pero si no me crees pregunta le a la senorita Empinada...Ahum... la senorita Empanada.
( Sorry... but if you don't believe me ask Miss Poundcake.)
BC: Abuelito! Back to football. Did you see Taco Wallace make some good catches for the Seahawks?
Abuelito: Ni un Mexicano le nombraba Taco a su hijo! Le llamavas Hamborguesa a un hijo tuyo? ( No Mexican
would name his son Taco, would you name your son Hamburger?)
BC: Good point! Up Next, the Texans.
Abuelito: Traemelos! ( Bring 'em on! )
BC: Abuelito, where have you been? The public has missed your expert analysis of the Cowboys/Texans game.
Abuelito: Los Cowboys jugadon bien el Sabado pasado. La defencia jugo bien especialmente Roy Williams. Le puso
una chinga a los recievedores de Houston. Drew Bledsoe, Julius Jones, Patric Crayton y Tyson Thompson jugadon excelente. Pedo
quando ellos juegan bien, todos se olvidan de la linea offensiva. Si ellos no fuegan bien los de mas no valen madre!
Romo tambien se aviento!
Justin Beriault, Dat Nguyen, Rob Petitti y Lousaka Polite, que clase de nombres son esos? Creo que el pinche
Parcells quiere complicar me vida mas que lo ya esta. Necesitan nombres Mexicanos como el de mi nieto, Carmelito Ygnacio Zapata
de San Antonio, no cres? ( The Cowboys played well Saturday , especially the defense and Roy Williams. He really put the hurt
to the Houston recievers. The offensive stars played well but, without that front line playing up to their capabilities, the
would be ordinary. What's up with the funny last names? They need to use Mexican names like my grandsons')
BC: Actually, I prefer simple names like Joe, Sue and Bob.
Abuelito: Tu estas "simple", loco! ( You're simple, looney! )
BC: Abuelito, it seems to me that you avoided my first question.
Abuelito: Bueno, te voy a decir pero no quiero que lo pongas en tu pinche website, claro? ( I will tell you,
but I don't want you to put it in your fascinating website )
BC: Si. ( Yes )
Abuelito: No sabia que hablabas espanol, tonto! ( I didn't know that you spoke spanish, fool! )
BC: Actually, that was the extent of it.
Abuelito: Pendejo! Bueno, el sabado pasado fuy a ver el partido con mi nieto Reyes y sus amigos. Nos echamos
unas frescas y cuando se acavo la cerveza, Rey saco una botella de tequila. Los machos no toman solo un tragito, y yo les
eva ensenar a esos bebes como toma un hombre! Me chinge la mitad de la pinche botella, contoy guzano! En
tiempo, andaba bailando cumbias y cantando como James Brown!
( Silly, OK, Saturday I watched the game with my grandson Reyes, and of course, we had a few beers. We ran out
of beer and Rey busted out a bottle of Tequila. Macho men don't just take a little swig. I was going to show these babys how
a real man drinks! I finished half the bottle, including the worm. Before you knew it, I was singing and dancing. )
BC: I don't see that as a problem, I believe everyone is entitled to a small indescretion occasionally.
Abuelito: " Indescretion" ( He says sarcastically ) Pendejo! dejame acabar! Las ultimas palabras que requerdo
fueron " Road Trip ". ( Dummy, let me finish, the last words I remember were " Road Trip" )
BC: Abuelito, you don't remember where you went?
Abuelito: No me interruptas, cara de papa! Espero que no tuve relaciones intimas! ( Don't interrupt me, Mr. Potato
Head! I hope that I did'nt have sex! )
BC: Why abuelito? That is ordinarily a pleasant experience.
Abuelito: No cuando despiertas en Tijuana con los calsones al reves!!! ( Not when you wake up in Tijuana with
your underwear on backwards!!! )
BC: I see... Up Next for the Cowboys... the Jaguars.
Abuelito: Van a jugar los "rookies". Yo espero la estacion regular. ( The rookies will play primarily. I'm waiting
for the regular season. )
BC: As do I... and I appreciate your candor as well (I think).
BC. - Abuelito, did you happen to catch the Cowboy/ Jaguar game?
Abuelito: Crees que pajados maman? Por supuesto, " Too Tall"! ( Do you think birds drink through a straw? Of
course, Too Tall Jones!)
BC: - Thats an obvious quip concerning my vertically challenged stature. You seem to like insulting me as much
as you like the Cowboys, Abuelito.
Abuelito: - Mas! ( More!)
BC: - You seem angry Abuelito, have I offended you?
Abuelito: - Me prometiste que no evas a publicar la ultima communicacion. Y luego ayi esta para todo el mundo
que vea! ( You promised not to post the last interview on your website, yet there it is for all the world to see! )
BC: - I did'nt see incriminating information in our interview and I excercised journalistic freedom.
Abuelito: - Voy a tomar ejercicio con tu cabeza redonda! ( I'm going to excercise with your round head.)
BC: - I sincerely apologize. But I must warn you, I have belt in Judo.
Abuelito: - Judo? Que chingaos es eso? Yo tengo una faja cafe, prieta y roja, en Chingasos del Barrio! ( What's
Aikido? I have a brown, black and red belt in, Kick Your Butt in the Neighborhood! )
BC: - It was an error in judgement on my part and it will never happen again.
Abuelito: - Entonces te perdono... "Lucky Charms"! ( in that case I forgive you, leprechuan.)
BC: - Abuelito!
Abuelito: - Es la ultima ves que te voy a insultar, joven. ( That was my last insult to you, kid. )
BC: - Care to comment on the game, Abuelito?
Abuelito: - Buen juego! Parece que estamos listos para la estacion regular. ( Good game! I think the Cowboys
are ready for the regular season.)
BC: - After a good series of running the football, Coach Parcells walked up to Tyson Thompson and told him he
had made the team. Were you pleased?
Abuelito: - Si, cuando un joven trabaja duro y juega de corazon, uno tiene que ensenarle respeto! ( When a youngster
works hard and plays with heart, he gains respect.)
BC: - Care to comment on the acquisition of Peerless Price?
Abuelito: - Terry Glenn tiene historia de maleses y Patrick Crayton es bueno pero joven sin mucha experencia.
Necesitaban un veterano que puede jugar. ( Terry Glenn has a history of getting hurt and Patrick Crayton while good,
is still inexperienced. We needed a veteran that can still play.)
BC: - Four days until the start of the Cowboys 2006 season. Do you have any predictions?
Abuelito: - Si, los Cowboys van a ganar mas que perder, le ganan a los Chargers con tres puntos y
me voy a poner bien "cuete" el domingo! ( The Cowboys will win more games than they lose this year, they will beat the
Chargers by three points and come Sunday, I'll be lit like a roman candle! )
BC: - I predict a Super Bowl appearance for the Cowboys, they will beat the Chargers by seventeen points
and with my chips, hot sauce and Big Red, I too, will party like an animal.
Abuelito: - Pendejo! ( dork )
Cowboys 28 Chargers 24
BC: Abuelito, the Cowboys defeated the Chargers. This was their first opening day win in five years! To
defeat a viable contender like the Chargers, the Cowboys have surely reacquired the respect that they used to own in
days past. To watch them play in this manner has reassesed Cowboy fans' expectation of a resurgence in this proud organization.
In other words, this a good day to be a Cowboy fan!!!
Abuelito: Ya acabaste? Piensava que querias mi opinion de el partido. Si o no? ( Are you finished? I thought
you wanted my expert analysis of the game?)
BC: Sorry Abuelito, I guess that I am still a tad giddy over the victorious outcome! Please,
give us your analysis.
Abuelito: Primero, "giddy"( he says sarcastically ), comienzaron con cinco penaltudas en sucescivo. Dije entre
mi, aqui vamos otra ves! Pero, no! Se amarradon los pantalones y comienzaron la chinga! Es verdad que los Chargers son un
buen equipo, pero este dia los Cowboys fueron mejor! Tanto tiempo de esperar que jugaran de corazon. Si, es un buen dia, por
supuesto! ( The Cowboys started the game with five penalties in a row. I thought to myself, here we go again! But no, they
toughed it out and began playing with heart! It is a good day to be a fan!)
BC: Overall, l thought the team played a well rounded game.
Abuelito:" Well rounded?", Crees que Jose Cortez y el equipo especial jugaron bien? Ese pendejo pataliava la
pelota hasta la "end zone" todo el tiempo en el "pre-season", pero ayer, valio madre! Los pinche Chargers comiensaron en el
lado de los Cowboys dos veces! Estos tienen que mejorar! ( Do you think Jose Cortez and the special teams played well?
In the pre-season he would kick the ball into the end zone every time. Yesterday, he sucked! The Chargers started on the Cowboys
side of the field twice! This needs to improve! )
BC: I see your point. How about the Offense and the and the great defensive stand at the end?
Abuelito: La ofenciva jugo bien. La linea le dio tiempo a Drew Bledsoe y el hiso unas beunas tiradas. Patrick
Crayton fue la estrella de la offensia, pero en verdad, todos jugaron bien. Con Julius Jones, Keyshawn, Jason Witten, Terry
Glenn y ahora Patric Crayton, estos liones estan listos para la caceria! La defencia tambien jugo bien, no gracias a Jose
Cortez, que los hiso comienzar con las espaldas a la pader! Glover, Nguyen, y los gatos jovenes, Ware, Spears y Canty,
en tiempo, van a ser liones!!! Roy Williams, el lion principal, ahora tiene compania en la forma de Travis Henry. Henry
y Arron Glenn fue dinero buen gastado en el parte de Jerry Jones!
( The offensive line gave Bledsoe time and he delivered some good passes. Patrick Crayton was the offensive star,
but in reality, everyone played well. Jones, Johnson, Witten, Glenn and now Crayton, are lions ready for the hunt. The defense
played well considering they played with their backs to the wall, thanks to Jose Cortez and poor tackling on special teams.
Glover, Nguyen and the new cats, Ware, Spears and Canty will, in time, be lions as well! The lion king, Roy Williams
now has good company in the form of Travis Henry. Henry and Arron Glenn was money well spent on Jerry Jones' part.)
BC: Did you watch the New Orleans Saints defeat Carolina?
Abuleito: Quien no vido ese partido? Los Saints jugaron inspirados! Lo siento para la jente de New Orleans. Le
mande parte de mi cheque de seguro social a la cruz roja y no mas pude comprar un sies durante el partido. Pero, ese
tambien, fue dinero buen gastado. ( Who did'nt watch that game? The Saints played inspired football. I feel for the people
of New Orleans and I sent the Red Cross part of my Social Security check. I only had enough money to buy a six pack for the
Cowboy game but the money I sent, again, was money well spent! )
BC: Thank you Abuelito. ( I said, with a renewed respect for this gruff old man. )
Cowboys 13 Redskins 14
BC: Abuelito, are you alright? You look terrible! Like the rest of us, you probably had to drown your sorrows
last night. Correct?
Abuelito: Negativo, loco! Celebre porque los Cowboys me ensenaron otra manera de preder. Por estar pendejos!!
Para ser un champion, los jugadores buenos juegan bien cuando tienen que jugar bien. Roy Williams y Aaron Glenn fueron quemados
una ves por Santana Moss. Pero en lugar de piensar " Tal ves juega bien este cabron y vale mas no dejarlo correr libre",
pero no! En ves de darle un chichon en la linea, lo dejaron correr como un relampago, y los quemo de vuelta! Esa era
la primer pendejada. Cuando nesesitan un primero bajo, puedes contar que Flozell Adams va tener una penaltia. Drew Bledsoe,
con prisa, ase unas tiradas horribles. Sean Peyton todavia no sabe manijar juegos consistamente. Cuando necesitan quatro yardas,
porque corren solo por tres??? Es locura!!! ( No fool, I celebrated because the Cowboys showed me another way to lose, by
being stupid! Champions play well when they have to play well. Roy Williams and Aaron Glenn got burned once by Santana Moss. Intead
of realizing that he should'nt be given a lot of room to run and to bump him on the line or play him closer, they let him
burn them again! That was the first stupidity. When the Cowboys need a first down, you can count on Flozell Adams to get a
penalty. Drew Bledsoe, when under pressure made some horrible throws. Sean Peyton can't call a consistantly good game. When
you have a third and ten or a fourth and four, why is a three yard play called? This is crazy! )
BC: There were obviously some mistakes made Abuelito, but this is only the second game.
Abuelito: Estos eran los PINCHE REDSKINS pendejo! Perder nolease, pero no a los pinche Redskins!!!! ( These were
the freakin' Redskins, dummy! It doesn't matter if we lose one, but not ot the G**#**mn Redskins!!! )
BC: Granted, it was a bitter pill to swallow, but I feel that the Cowboys will learn from their mistakes and
still have a great season.
Abuelito: Vives en fantacia, estupido. Hablando de fantacia, lleva me a la tienda para que me compres un seis
y para ver la chica Marisol! ( You live in a fantasy world, stoop. Speaking of fantasy, take me to the store so that you can
buy me a six pack and I can check out Marisol! )
Cowboys 34 49ers 31
BC: Abuelito, the Cowboys came back from a 12 point deficit in the 4th quarter to beat San Francisco, was that
an awesome game or what?
Abuelito: Me acabe las unas de cena, seguido con un corriente de cerveza fria! ( I had my fingernails for
dinner followed by a beer chaser.)
BC: That was definitely a nail biter. Why do you think the past three games have been so close?
Abuelito: Pienso yo que los vaqueros todavia estan creciendo. En tiempo van a madurar y poder jugar juntos con
la experenica de los mejores equipos. ( I think the Cowboys are still growing and in time, they will mature, and be able to
play together as a team like the best in the league.)
BC: The Cowboys showed a lot of character in their ability to come back and not quit.
Abuelito: Si, Este equipo me aquerdan de mi. ( This team reminds me, of me. )
BC: They remind you of your resilliance, in your ability to partake of the grape and still be able to maintain
a part time job?
Abuelito: Nolease que un hombre tome lo que toma, no mas que pueda mantener sus negocios. Muchas veces me dice
mi vieja," Viejo porque mo dejas de tomar?" Mi contestacion? Porque yo no quiteo! ( It doesn't matter how much a man drinks,
as long as he can maintain his business. My wife always nags for me to quit drinking. My answer? I'm not a quitter! )
BC: Abuelito, there are many reasons for a person to quit drinking, your health for example, wouldn't you want
to live long enough to see the Cowboys in the Super Bowl again?
Abuelito: Para siempre es muy largo, loco! ( Forever is a long time , Dummy. )
BC: I think I've seen that look in your eye before Abuelito. O.K. I'll take you to the tienda ( the store).
Cowboys 13 Raiders 19
BC: Abuelito, the Cowboys had another bad game.
Abuelito: Pinche Arnold Medina! ( Rotten Arnold Medina! )
BC: I beg your pardon?
Abuelito: Este jugador cabron, Medina, me apeusto una lata de Posole que ganavan los pinches Raiders! ( This
player, Medina, bet me a can of Posole that the Raiders would win. )
BC: A can of Posole? A soup made of hominy and pork, Correct?
Abuelito: Si. ( yes )
BC: That's not so bad Abuelito. It can't cost more than a few dollars.
Abuelito: No pendejo, el que pierde tiene que comerse una lata de Posole! ( No crazy, the loser has to eat a
can of Posole! )
BC: I can't say that I have ever tried Posole but from your demeanor I get the impression that it isn't
very delectable.
Abuelito: Muy chingon, "delectable"! Es mierda, joven, pura mierda! ( Delectable? mister big stuff! It's crappy!
)
BC: Perhaps you can spice it up a bit to make it somewhat tasty.
Abuelito: Si, con una lata de mierda! Dios, quitame este pendejo! ( Sure, with a can of poop! God, get this fool
away from me! )
BC: Abuelito, please, your analysis of the game.
Abuelito: Cuando mi vieja necesita algo hecho en la casa me hace una lista: Viejo, pinta mi cuarto, lava
los trastes, saca la basura o cuelgame esas cortinas... ( When my woman wants something done around the house she has a list:
paint my room, wash the dishes, take out the trash or hang those curtains for me... )
BC: Those are called honey do's. I have a big list that I am currently...
Abuelito: No me interrumptes, chiquio! Nolease cuantos "honey do's" yo a hecho, solo una noche del pedo con los
amigos y otra ves valgo madre! ( Don't interrupt me, small fry! Regardless of how many honey do's I accumulate, one night
out with the boys and I'm back to worthless! )
BC: I don't understand how this relates to the game, Abuelito.
Abuleito: Mira, "Einstein", Drew Bledsoe a veces hace unas pases orribles y luego despues, hace un pase lindo
como el que le tiro a Terry Glenn. Es "Inconsistant'! ( Look " Einstein", Sometimes Drew Bledsoe throws some ugly passes and
then later he throws a beautiful pass like the one to Terry Glenn. He is inconsistant. )
BC: Abuelito I am impressed with your mastery of the english language!
Abuelito: Eso lo dijo Troy Aikman, tapado. ( Troy Aikman said that, dummy. )
BC: I see... What do feel is the answer to the Cowboys' woes?
Abuelito: Bill Parcells tiene que hecharle fuego en las nalgas a sus jugadores y a Sean Peyton en bolla. ( Bill
Parcells needs to light a fire under his players ass, and Sean Peyton as well. )
BC: I don't understand "en bolla". Some dialects have a propensity to be misunderstood.
Abuelito: Como sea, yo no soy de Espana o Mejicles y como dice mi caramiada... perdon... mi camarada, Joel
Flores, si no te gusta "Vamonos a la chingada"! ( Whatever, I'm not from Spain or Mexico and as my friend Joel would
say, if you don't like it, get out of my space! )
BC: Right... OK, up next, Philly.
Abuelito: Van a tener que jugar como demonios, pero todo es posible. ( They will have to play like the devil
but anything is possible. )
BC: Do you need me to take you to the store Abuelito?
Abuelito: Gracias, ahora no, chico. ( Not today son. )
BC: Huh? ( I thought to myself, in amazement.)
Cowboys 33 Eagles 10
BC: "How 'bout them Cowboys", Abuelito? This was the best overall game in the Bill Parcells era. The offense
and the defense dominated the mighty Eagles. At a Saturday night meeting, offensive coordinator Sean Peyton told the
team " We are going to attack". Boy did they ever! The blitzkrieg started on the very first play from scrimmage and the Parcells
style of ball control offense, ended. The Cowboys took the game to the Eagles. They seemed stunned and never recovered.
It was a thing of beauty for Cowboy fans everywhere! In my opinion, the offensive line deserves most of the credit. Bledsoe
had time to throw effectively and holes were opening up for the backs. Oh yeah, and all the defense did was shut
down the Eagles' league best offense! I gotta tell you, Terrell Owens wasn't going to pose on our star this year. And even
if he had, you can bet that Roy Williams would be there to kick his butt off of it! I have seen butt whuppings in my
time but...
Abuelito: Ya acabaste, panfilo? A veces se te va la onda. Quieres hoyier mi opinion? ( Are you finished, idiot?
You have a tendency to lose it. Do you want my opinion?)
BC: Sorry Abuelito, but the thought of Terry Glenn streaking down the sideline, Jason Witten playing like the
pro bowl player he is, Julius Jones and Tyson Thompson running wild against the defense, Drew Bledsoe throwing the ball
ala Troy Aikman, Jose Cortez kicking field goals from further and further away and Roy Williams and the defense "laying
the wood" on the Eagles makes me want to turn cartwheels!
Abuelito: "Turn cartwheels", de verdad que te gusto.( He says sarcastically) Dejame decirte la verdad
antes que te sucies los pantalones. Un juego no hace un estacion completo. Pero, que bueno que le dieron la torre a los
pinche Aguilas! McNabb y Owens ahora saben quien son sus papases! ( You must have really enjoyed the game to do cartwheels!
Let me tell you how it is before you soil your pants. One game does not a season make. But, it's good to see the Cowboys beat
up on the stinkin' Eagles. McNabb and Owens now know "who's yer daddy"! )
BC: Yes, who would have thought that the "attack" mode would demoralize one of the best defenses in the
league?
Abuelito: Los muchachos necesitavan tiempo para jugar como un equipo de experencia. ( The boys needed time to
play together as a unit. )
BC: I think they have advanced to the next level!
Abuelito: Si, estavan mas calientes que Pamela Anderson en un pinche bikini. ( Yes, they were hotter
than Pam Anderson in a skimpy bikini. )
BC: I must concur, but do you think that their hot streak can continue against Eli Manning and the Giants?
Abuelito: Le van a sacar los pedos a Peyton chiquio. ( They will make little Peyton react nervously. )
BC: Abuelito, I brought you your favorite kind of beer... iced down and free!
Abuelito: Gracias, pero ahora no, chico. ( Thank you, but not today .)
BC: Huh? ( I said to myself in disbelief... again!)
Cowboys 16 Giants 13
BC: Abuelito, how have you been? I have been trying to reach you.
Abuelito: Appenas llegamos de Dallas. Fuimos a ver los Cowboys Y los Gigantes! ( We just got back from
Dallas. We went to the Cowboys/Giants game.)
BC: Another nail biter, for sure! How was the crowd at Texas Stadium?
Abuelito: Pura locura! Yo estaba bien alto... ( It was crazy, I was really high...)
BC: Drugs? You were high on drugs, Abuelito? Please say it isn't so!
Abuelito: Pendejo! Estavamos sentados arriba en la seccion de naris sangrientas. ( Crazy! We were up in the nose
bleed section! )
BC: Sorry Abuelito, I misunderstood...
Abuelito: Dejame decirte un chiste:
Un nenito fue a cortarse el pelo. Se sento en la sillita de madera que usan para los ninos y las patitas todavilla
le cuelgavan. El barbero le pregunto al nene, "Como quieres que te corte el pelo?". "Ay como se mire mejor" respondio
el chiquito. "Quieres que te corte las patillas?" le pregunto el barbero. Enojado, el nenito le contesto, " Como quires
que camine, con las manillas?" ( Please ask a tex-mex speaking person to explain this joke to you because it really does
not translate well - BC )
BC: That was funny abuelito. This is conjecture on my part, but, I feel a hint of sarcasm in your banter.
Abuelito: Aveces cuando uno dice una palabra, un pendejo lo comprende mal! ( Sometimes when a person uses a word
an idiot will misinterpret.)
BC: That would be a homonym, correct?
Abuelito: Correcto! Ala otra dejame acabar de hablar! ( Correct, next time let me finish my sentance! )
BC: I'm sorry abuelito, I shouldn't jump to conclusions.
Abuelito: Si, no es bueno a "jump to conclusions" porque los Cowboys aveces juegan bien y lluego mal. Estan arriba
de su division pero estan ayi con un poco de suerte. ( It is not good to jump to conclusions, the Cowboys play good and then
sometimes they play bad. They are at the top of their division but they had some luck getting there.)
BC: They were lucky to beat the Giants?
Abuelito: Si, aveces es mejor tener suerte que estar perros! ( Yes, sometimes it is better to be lucky than good!
)
BC: Yes, luck of the fortuitous nature is always best but we were sitting on pins and needles there for a while.
Abuelito: Si, prefiero una patada en las canicas. ( Yes, I would rather be kicked in the marbles! )
BC: Any predictions for the Seattle game?
Abuelito: Si, los Cowboys y los Seahawks van a jugar el domingo. ( Yes, the Cowboys and the Seahawks will play
Sunday.)
BC: Allrighty then... A bold prediction. I'll see you after the game. Thank you, Abuelito.
Cowboys 10 Seahawks 13
BC: Abuelito, another close loss! How can the Cowboys score 33 points against the Eagles and then come out so
flat against the Seahawks?
Abuelito: Es facil, mijo. Valen Madre! Son como los caramiadas en el trabajo.
( Easy, they suck! They are like the gang at work.)
BC: Excuse me?
Abuelito: Si el mayordomo no los regana seguidito, los flojos no van a trabajar duro! Parcells les va a dar una
reganada y van a jugar bien contra los Cardinales. ( If the boss isn't on their butts all the time, the fluffers won't
work as hard! Parcells will chew on some butt and the Cowboys will play well against the Cardinals. )
BC: Jose Cortez was waived this week, do you feel that was warranted?
Abuelito: Ese sinverjuensa misteo la "field goal" y lluego mira al detenedor como que le quiso echar la
culpa. Vamonos a la chingada, Cortez! ( That loser misses the field goal and then he looks at the holder as if he was
to blame! Good riddance, Cortez! )
BC: Drew Bledsoe threw an errant pass with only seconds to go in the game. What could he have been thinking?
Abuelito: La mejor pregunta es, Quien le dijo que tirada un pinche pase? Puras pendejadas! ( A better question
would be, who instructed him to throw a pass? That was a dumb call.)
BC: Again, the defense played well against a good offense.
Abuelito: Que lastima que la defencia no puede jugar offencivo tambien. ( Too bad the defense can't play offense.)
BC: I hope the Cowboys can turn this losing trend around.
Abuelito: Que no se empongan a perder! Hay nombre para equipos que juegan asi. ( As long as they don't get used
to losing! There are names for teams like that.)
BC: Houston Texans?
Abuelito: "Losers"! No saqes mis modos, Loco. Yo soy el comidiante! ( Losers! Don't copy my ways, I'm the
comedian here! )
Marion Barber - 2 touchdowns 127 yards
BC: How 'bout them Cowboys, Abuelito? You were right, Bill Parcells challenged the team and they responded with
a resounding win. Would it be fair to extrapolate on the Cowboys' emergence as a power in the NFC East?
Abuelito: Como dices, Jose Collejiante? ( What did you say, Joe College?)
BC: Ahem... The Cowboys continue to improve,especially Marion Barber. Would you say that he was the hero
of the game?
Abuelito: Heroe? Si jugo bien. Todos jugadon bien. Pero heroe? Quien sabe. La gente usan esa palabra mucho estos
dias. Michael Jordan, Emmitt Smith, Nolan Ryan, Roger Staubach, Wayne Gretzsky y Dale Earnhart, ellos eran buen ejemplos
de atletas que se portaban bien en juego y en la vida. Pienso yo que nosotros mismos tenemos que ser heroes. Unas
quantas semanas pasadas, oi por causualidad a los nietos decir, "Mira! Abuelito esta borracho otra ves!" Desde ese tiempo,
decidi que ya no iva tomar enfrente de los ninos. ( Hero? He played well, they all played well. But hero, who knows? Jordan,
Smith etc...are all good examples of athletes that were admired on and off the field. I believe that we need to be our own
heroes! A few weeks ago, I overheard my grandchildren say," Look, Abuelito is drunk, again!" I decided not to drink in front
of the children again! )
BC: That explains your declining my offer to buy your favorite beer ( cold and free).
Abuelito: Pero cuando juegan los Cowboys, No apuestes que voy estar sobrio! ( But when the Cowboys play, don't
bet on me being sober! )
BC: Will you work on curtailing your language?
Abuelito: Paso a paso, pendejo! No tengo que ser tu heroe! ( One step at a time dummy, I don't have to be your
hero! )
BC: That's OK, Abuelito. ( You have my respect, regardless, I thought to myself )
BC: The Cowboys have a bye next week. Will you root for the Texans or perhaps the Saints?
Abuelito: No, tengo que lavar mi camion. ( No, I have to wash my truck.)
BC: I agree, it doesn't feel like football season during the Cowboys' bye week. The Cowboys play the Eagles in
two weeks on Monday night.
Abuelito: Dos semanas de tortura! ( Two weeks of torture! )
BC: Exactly! See you in two weeks. Thank you, Abuelito!
Cowboys 21 Eagles 20
BC: Abuelito, the Cowboys beat the Eagles in the last 2 minutes of the game Monday night. Your impression?
Abuelito: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is Howard Cosell".
BC: Abuelito that sounded just like Howard Cosell!
Abuelito: Ni modo loco! Quieres oir John Wayne? ( Of course ninny! Do you want to hear John Wayne? )
BC: Uh...sure...why not?
Abuelito: "The Cowboys are kickin' ass, right...pilgrim?"
BC: Abuelito that was amazing! You're a great impressionist!
Abuelito: Otro mas chico. "smooch", "smooch", "smooch"! ( One more. kiss, kiss,kiss! )
BC: Someone blowing kisses?
Abuelito: No estupido, es Terrell Owens besandole las nalgas a Andy Reid! ( No astute one, It's Terrell Owens
kissing Andy Reids' ass! )
BC: I, like the Eagles, have had just about enough of Terrell Owens.
Abuelito: Te voy a decir un cuento: Una ves estaban una tortuga y un escorpion en un lado del mar. El escorpion
nececitava ir al otro lado. El escorpion le dijo a la tortuga, "Si me llevas al otro lado no te mato". La tortuga, no
quieriendo a morir, le contesto "suevete en mi espalda y te llevo". A la mitad del mar el escorpion le dio un piquete bruto
a la tortuga. La tortuga le pregunto "porque me picaste?, ahora los dos vamos a morir." "Porque soy escorpion, eso es
lo que yo hago" respondio el escorpion. ( Let me tell you a story: once there was a turtle and a scorpion on one side of the
lake. The scorpion needed to get to the other side. The scorpion said to the turtle " If you take me to the other side I won't
kill you". The turtle, not wanting to die, tells the scorpion, "Get on my back and I will take you across". Halfway
across the lake the scorpion gives the turtle a powerful sting. The turtle asks, " Why did you do that? Now we are both going
to die". "I am a scorpion that is what I do" was his answer. )
BC: A fitting tale, T.O. has had several chances to show that he can be a team player and has disappointed every
time. The Cowboys have gone back to their conservative style of play and they play 3 games in 11 days. Will they
be able to compete against the Broncos?
Abuelito: Los Broncos juegan tres juegos en doce dias, van a estar igual de cansados. ( The Broncos play 3 games
in 12 days. Both teams will be equally tired. )
BC: Good point. Roy Williams was the star Monday night. Sunday he will go against another, and equally talented,
Roy Williams. Any predictions?
Abuelito: Si, los Cowboys ganan el Domingo con catorse puntos, el Dia de Gracia ganan con tres puntos y
voy a comer chingos de Guajolote! ( Yes, the Cowboys will win Sunday by 14 points, Thanksgiving by 3 points and I will
eat lots and lots of turkey! )
BC: As will I, thanks Abuelito!
Cowboys 20 Lions 7
BC: Abuelito, the Cowboys won again! That's three games in a row! Is it my imagination or are the
Cowboys one of the top teams in the NFC?
Abuelito: Si le ganan a los Broncos, entonces si los Cowboys van a ser unos de los mejores equipos.
( Yes, if the Cowboys beat the Broncos the will be on of the best teams in the league.)
BC: Was it my imagination or was Drew Bledsoes' passing kinda off?
Abuelito: "Kinda?" Estaba tirando mierda! Tienen suerte que pueden ganar con Bledsoe tirando
asi. Cuando le juegen a un buen equipo no ganan con Bledsoe jugando mal! ( He threw crappy! They are lucky to win with Bledsoe
playing so badly. The can't beat a good team with Bledsoe playing this way! )
BC: The Cowboys were able to run the ball consistantly but they seemed to settle for a conservative
game plan or did I just imagine that?
Abuelito: Ya corta tu pinche imaginacion! Ya no estas en Kansas, Dorotea! Los juegos que faltan van
a ser dificil de devedas! Y todos tienen que jugar bien. Hablando de Kansas, voy ir al partido contra los Kansas City Chiefs
en Deciembre. ( Enough of your imagination! You're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy!
These last few games will all be tough, and for real! The whole team will have to play well.
Speaking of Kansas, I am going to the Kansas City/ Dallas game in December. )
BC: That should be a great game. Would you mind bringing back a souvenier for me? I would really treasure
a Jerry Jones bobblehead.
Abuelito: WHOP!!! ( he slaps me on the back of the head -BC ) Hay esta tu bobblehead, cabezon! Orale...
te triego algo, pero va ser una sopresa. ( SLAP! There's your bobblehead... bighead! OK...I'll bring you something
but it will be a surprise.)
BC: Great! Everyone loves surprises. Thank you Abuelito. Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving!
Abuelito: Tu tambien, joven. ( You too, kid.)
Cowboys 21 Broncos 24
BC: Another demoralizing day for the Cowboys. They were in the game, toe to toe, with one of the best teams
in the league, but they fell short, or to be exact, one Billy Cundiff field goal, short of a win.
Abuelito: Si es verdad que Cundiff la cago... pero, Pienso yo que la culpa es mas de el coordinario offensivo
Sean Peyton. Sercas del fin de el juego le dan la pelota a Julius Jones, y sale con una yarda. Otra ves, otra yarda. Lluego un
pase a Terry Glenn donde tiene que escaparse a el defensivo. Terry Glenn pesa cien ochenta completamente mojado! Que pinche
pendejadas! Es verdad que le jugamos un buen juego a uno de los mejores equipos... pero acabar segundo, vale madre! La unica
gracia es que los Gigantes tambien perdieron. El pataleador mistio quatro field goals! Que bueno... Gigantes culeros! (
Yes it's true that Cundiff messed up but I blame the offensive coordinator Sean Peyton. In the last few minutes of the game
he gives the ball to Julius Jones and he gets one yard. Another down, one more yard for Jones! Finally he throws a pass to
Terry Glenn where he is supposed to break a tackle to get a first down. Terry Glenn weighs one hundred eighty pounds soaking
wet. Stupid play calling! It's true that the Cowboys played well against a good team but second place sucks! The
only good thing is that the Giants also lost. Their kicker missed four field goals! Dumb Giants! )
BC: Well... that just about covers all the questions that I had. Besides the game, how was your Thanksgiving,
Abuelito?
Abuelito: Tuve bastante para tomar, para comer y tambien un pedaso de... ( I had plenty to drink , plenty to
eat and I even had a piece of... )
BC: Abuelito! I have to remind you again that this is a family oriented website!
Abuelito: PUMPKIN PIE !!! CALABASA!!! ( Pumpkin pie! Pumpkin head! )
BC: Forgive me Abuelito, I really must stop second guessing you. Will you still bring me a Jerry Jones bobble
head?
BC: SWISH!!! ( The noise I hear as I duck to aviod his palm against the back of my head.)
Cowboys 10 Giants 17
BC: Another sad day in Cowboyland, Abuelito. As my neighbor Squache would say, " Whupped again!". The offensive
line was horrendous! Or were the Giants just that good?
Abuelito: Si, Strahan y el otro, quien sabe como se llama, jagadon mejor que la linea de los Cowboys. Bledsoe
no tuvo tiempo para tirar y los corredores no hayaban orifices. Ahora Jerry Jones sabe donde tiene que gastar su dinero,
el ano que viene. ( Yes, Strahan and the other end, whatever his name is, played better than the Cowboy line. Bledsoe didn't
have time to throw and the running backs couldn't find any holes to run through. Now Jerry Jones knows where he has to
spend the most money next year.)
BC: Do you think the cold weather had much of an effect on the outcome of the game?
Abuelito: Tonterias! Estaba frio en el lado de los Gigantes tambien! ( Poppycock! It was cold on the Giants side
of the field as well! )
BC: Can the Cowboys still win the division or is the best that they can hope for a wild card spot?
Abuelito: Tengo mucho miedo la semana quentra. ( I am afraid of next week. )
BC: The Chiefs? They are good, but outside of Arrowhead Stadium they haven't been very consistant.
Abuelito: No, mendigo, Me toco "jury duty" y no me cai ese jalle. ( No, Mandingo( it actually doesn't mean mandingo-BC
) I was called for jury duty and I don't like that sort of thing.)
BC: Abuelito, it is our civic duty to help keep the judicial system running smoothly. Besides, if you don't show
up you could be fined.
Abuelito: Yo lo se... kimosabe! De buenas que mi abuela estaba en el hospital la ultima ves, porque si no, cien
dolares!!! Y lluego te preguntan si les quieres dar paratras los sies dolares que te pagan para servir. Estan pendejos!
Las pinche taxes y mi tiempo precioso no son bastante? Con sus seis, me compro un seis!
( I know... lone ranger! It's a good thing that my grandmother was in the hospital the last time I was called,
otherwise, one hundred dollars! Then they ask if you want to donate the six dollars that you get for serving back to
them. They're nuts! The taxes that I pay and my precious time aren't enough? I'll take their six dollars and buy me a
six pack! )
BC: So you'll be at the game Sunday, Abuelito? It might be a tad nippy, be sure to dress accordingly.
Abuelito: Una bafanda, un "Lipton cup-a-soup", y mi botellita (he taps his coat pocket, where he seems
to have a flask). Que se venga el pinche norte y los pinche Chiefs! ( A scarf, a Lipton cup-o-soup and my little bottle. Come
on winter and come on Chiefs! )
BC: Thank you, Abuelito... and please don't forget my bobblehead! ( I say as I walk briskly out of the room.)
Cowboys 31 Chiefs 28
BC: Abuelito, how was your trip to Dallas? The Cowboys pulled off a big win against the Chiefs, were you impressed?
How was the weather? Were you able to find a Jerry Jones bobblehead?
Abuelito: Estaba deaquellas...si...estaba fresco...aqui esta tu pinche bobblehead y tambien tu otro regalo. (
It was great, yes, it was cool, here is your bobblehead and another presant.)
BC: A football ! Signed by Bill Parcells and Jerry Jones ! Is it real? How did you get this?
Abuelito: Connectiones! Tengo un camarada que tiene un camarada que tiene un tio que tiene un sobrino que
se esta echando una Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader.
( Connections! I have a friend that has a friend that has an uncle that has a nephew that is dating a Dallas
Cowboys Cheerleader. )
BC: Really?
Abuelito: Nombre, estoy jugando, pendejo! Mi nieto se perdio en Texas Stadium y Jerry Jones se dio quenta.
Nos dijo que espradamos en su "luxury box" asta que acabada el juego y despues le dio la pelota a mijo. (
Just kidding, boob! My grandson got lost at Texas Stadium and Jerry Jones found out about it. He told us to wait in his
luxury box until after the game. Then he gave my grandson the football.)
BC: That's great...but...why are you giving it to me?
Abuelito: Le cambie la pelota por una raspa! Como lo ves? Chiquio loco! ( I traded him a snow cone for the football!
How about that? Crazy kid! )
BC: I get the feeling that you planned this, Abuelito!
Abuelito: Es verdad que le dije a mijo que si se perdiera, que llorada como si lo estaba siguiendo la llorona...y
pedir a Jerry Jones! ( It's true that I instructed my grandson that if he got lost, to scream like the crying woman was
after him...and to ask for Jerry Jones!)
BC: That was pretty cruel Abuelito, I hope that you didn't scar him for life.
Abuelito: "Scar him for life?" Le encanto la pinche "luxury box"! Vimos la mitad de el juego com toda la cerveza,
sodas, dulce y comida que queriadamos! ( Scarred for life? He loved the luxury box! We saw half the game with all the beer,
soda water, candy and food that we wanted! )
BC: In that case, thank you for the football. Can the Cowboys get into the playoffs?
Abuelito: Los juegos contra los Eagles y los Chiefs son buen ejemplos de la manera de ganar! Tambien
tienen que usar a Marion Barbar mas! ( The games against the Eagles and the Chiefs are good examples of how to win games.
They also need to use Marion Barber more! )
BC: Can the Cowboys beat the Redskins, Abuelito?
Abuelito: Como chingados que no? Traigan los pinche indios locos! ( Of course! Bring 'um on!!! )
Cowboys 7 Redskins 35
Abuelito: Apaga la luz. Ya se acabo el pinche pode! ( Turn out the lights, the party's over! )
Cowboys 24 Panthers 20
Abuelito: Donde estabas la semana pasada, loco? ( Where were you last week? )
BC: I'm sorry Abuelito, I was a tad distraught over the Cowboys embarrasing loss to the... I can't even say their
name.
Abuelito: Yo si puedo... los PINCHE REDSKINS!!! No te abuetes pendejo, los Cowboys tienen una chansa pequena.
La linea jugo bien contra los Panthers y Julius Jones al fin enseno corazon ( I can... the FREAKING REDSKINS!!!
Don't give up, the Cowboys still have a small chance. The line played well against the Panthers and Julius Jones finally showed
some heart. )
BC: I guess Bill Parcells' warning that this year was a rebuilding year came to fruitation. Perhaps the expectation
of Cowboys' fans was a little premature but with all the talent that they appear to have, how can they be blown out of a game
35 to 7? Could it be that they were overconfident?
Abuelito: No creo yo que tenian mucha confiansa. Los pinche Redskins fuedon demaciado contra los Cowboys
y para decirte la verdad, los cabrones estan jugando como los mejores equipos. ( I don't believe that the Cowboys were overconfident.
The Redskins were too much for the Cowboys and to tell you the truth, the f**kers are amoung the best teams in the
league.)
BC: The Cowboys have had bad seasons before but this season is really hard to take. Those teams weren't expected
to do good because the teams weren't good, this one is. I guess we'll have to wait and see which team shows up to play in
St. Louis.
Abuelito: No te abuetes chingon! No se acaba asta que cante la marana! ( Don't give up. It ain't over til the
fat lady sings! )
Cowboys 10 Rams 20
Abuelito: Ahora si, " Turn out the lights, the party's over!"
BC: Well Abuelito, this season started out with such great promise and ended with the proverbial THUD! Bill Parcells
will return and there is talk of building for the future. But, is that possible with Drew Bledsoe, Keyshawn and Terry Glenn
reaching their twilight, in football years, that is.
Abuelito: La futura es ahora! Bledsoe enseno que valle madre con un poco de pression. Necesitan otro quarterback!
Tambien otro recevidor, pero no Terrell Owens! Y la linea offensiva, como lo digo... NO VALEN NI UNA CHINGADA! ( The
future is now! Bledsoe showed that he can't play under pressure. We need another quarterback! Also another reciever, but not
Terrell Owens! And the offensive line, how can I put this... they stunk up the place! )
BC: Parcells has a penchant for sticking with "his guys". Perhaps a couple of linemen would cure what ails us?
Abuelito: Si, Y yo tengo propiedad en Las Vegas. Estas interesado en un compro? (Yes, and I have some property
for sale in Las Vegas, are you interested?)
BC: Allrighty then... I guess we'll have to circle draft day on our calender. Will you be available to share
with us your expert analysis?
Abuelito: Vale mas que lo creas...estupido! ( You better believe it....Genius! )
Post-Season Abuelito Analysis
BC: Abuelito, do you think that Vince Young will still be the first quarterback taken in the draft?
Auuelito: Ese pendejo! La pinche Wonderlic lo mando a la chingada! Alamejor los Cowboys lo levantan en la pinche
"fourth round"! ( That dummy! The Wonderlic might have messed him up! Maybe the Cowboys can pick him in the fourth round!
)
BC: Would you look for them to take a good receiver with their first pick?
Abuelito: A ver que pasa joven... a ver que pasa. ( We'll have to wait and see what happens.)
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